Sunday, September 8, 2013

Standing Firm in the Midst of Unanswered Questions ~ Guest Post by Karen M. "Shelly" Ricci

Another Chapter in My Personal Healing Journey

"(Pain) removes the veil; it plants the flag of truth within the fortress of a rebel soul." --C.S. Lewis
 For almost as far back as I can remember, I have struggled with something physically.  When I was a very young child, it was chronic ear infections.  As an older child, my joints began to hurt.  At age 9, a doctor officially diagnosed me with rheumatoid arthritis.  At age 26, I became completely paralyzed from both shoulders, down, and spent 8 months in 2 different hospitals and a nursing home, not knowing if feeling would return.  The official 'diagnosis' on that was medicine - induced lupus/ transverse myelitis (spinal cord inflammation) and this has led to peripheral neuropathy (fancy term that, in my case, means nerve damage). 
I don’t know about you but when a problem arises, in my life, my first response is to find out the root cause of the problem.  Because once the root cause, of the problem, is revealed the solution to the problem seems much easier to find.  While it may be somewhat easy to find out, from a medical point of view, what caused the physical struggles I’ve had in my life…some of the answers, from a spiritual point of view still linger. 
Many nights, as a child, were spent crying myself to sleep because of the pain.  Sometimes my mom would hear me crying and come to my room.  I remember one night, in particular, I was crying out in pain and I asked my mom if this (pain) was God putting me through a "test".  Because I knew enough about God, at age 9,  to know that He did, in fact, put some people through tests ...or at the very least, allowed them to be tested.  (see Job, Isaac, Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, David, Ruth, Naomi, Peter, Paul, and Christ Jesus just to name a few)

Honestly, I don't know if what I struggle with, physically, is something the LORD has allowed me to go through because He is 'testing' me.  The tests that people went through in the Bible did not seem to last as long as my own struggle, so due to the duration, I am thinking this may not be a 'test'.

Another question that has haunted me, over the years, is "Do I have a lack of faith?"  Many of the healing miracles that Jesus did were because of, or as a result of, the fact that the person who needed the miracle had "faith".

I can attest to the fact that there have been times in my life where my faith was increased.  Over the years, I believe my faith has actually grown.

But I still have not experienced a complete physical healing in my body.

Is it because I don't have enough faith?  Some people would simply say that yes, this must be why I have not been healed, completely.  But I disagree. Is there room for my faith to grow even more?  YES!  However, I do not struggle with disbelief and let’s be honest…there really is nothing that I could ever do, or do enough of, that would help me to 'earn' a healing, anyways.

SO, if God wants to completely heal my body, then what is it that keeps Him from going ahead and doing it?  I don't know. 

Oh, I have experienced partial healings in my lifetime.  The time I was paralyzed from my shoulders down and told I'd never walk or have feeling again......and the feeling came back and I did walk freely without assistance for years.  Or how about the time that I was told that I'd never be able to conceive a child ....but I became pregnant about a year and a half later (without trying) and went on to have a flawless pregnancy and deliver a beautiful baby girl.  Then there was that time when I went in for C-spine fusion surgery and the surgeons discovered, on the operating table, that they would only have to complete 1/3rd of what they thought they'd have to do, to my spine, because in a week's time it had already begun to fuse itself. This list doesn't even include all the miracles I've experienced financially, relationally, in circumstances, etc.
The Lord has clearly had His hand, on my life, and intervened on my behalf over and over again.  But I am still not “whole” in my body…..yet.

So....what's up with the partial miracles?  Why not just go all the way with it?  I don't know.

Right now, I am in need of another surgery.  At the present time, complications are keeping me from being able to even have the surgery.

Wouldn't it be AWESOME if God chose to heal me, completely, of the complications as well as from even needing another surgery?  YES!  But.....what if He chooses not to? 

Is there a specific timing involved here?  Like, does God plan to heal me completely but He has a specific timing planned for it?  Maybe.

I wish that I had the answers....not just for myself but for anyone who may be wondering why they haven't been healed.  But I don't.

What I do know, however, is that :

God STILL heals....whether He heals me now, later or not at all.

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